Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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