I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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