Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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