I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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