I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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