If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
