There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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