They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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