May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize