Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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