I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
