At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
