Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
