ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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