Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
