While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
