Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
