I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize