I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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