i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
