Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
