oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
