Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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