OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
