And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
