I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
