let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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