Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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