I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
