as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
