2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
