D3 body, D1 cock
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
