his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so much tequila, so little girl.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
