I wish my penis had an off switch
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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