I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
