Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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