it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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