it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
