Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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