got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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