I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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