i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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