I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
