Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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