Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
