How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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