so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
