Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bring me that man meat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
