I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
