he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
