Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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