Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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