You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
