also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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