I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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