Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
