I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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