I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
