I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize