we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
