Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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