it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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