is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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