this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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