At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
