Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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