Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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