The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
