saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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