i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
