Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
