I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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