Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize