I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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