I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
