I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
