Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
