First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
