so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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