man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
