I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
