sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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