Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
