I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
