Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
