i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
