Need sex. Gaining weight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
