People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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