I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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