i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
