I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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