what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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